A Confused 57 Year Old lady Who Badly Needs A Partner Writes To Connectghananews.com Editor For Advise. : Read on.
Dear Editor,
I’m a woman aged 57 and was married for a couple of years when I was younger. We had two children together, but then my husband realised he was ***. This was 30 years ago and I’ve been single ever since, while he got together with someone else and left the country.
I didn’t let it put me off seeing other men, so I’ve always gone out on my own or with friends. It can be tough sometimes – for example, on holiday when I’m the only woman sitting on my own at breakfast.
I’m sure people whisper about me. Shirley Valentine here I come!
I have lots of hobbies where I meet new people, but I’ve never met anyone special.
I’m usually the only Black woman (in the village, so to speak!) and I’m just under 6ft and on the larger side, so I stand out wherever I go.
I’m also disabled now, so that’s another barrier that doesn’t help. I’ve tried dating sites, but only seem to attract men who are over 70, which is not for me. I don’t know what else to do.
Thirty years is a long time not to hold someone’s hand, never mind anything else. I’ve cried over this for many years and I’m still in the same boat.
I’ve lived in about seven different houses over the years and never had sex in any of them, which I think is sad.
My friends say they can’t believe I’m single, as I have a great personality, I’m really funny and a nice-looking lady.
Any advice is welcome.
Advise from our editor.
Well, I can tell from your letter that you have a fabulous sense of humour and a wonderful personality. But maybe you’re not giving out flirtatious vibes and are coming across as someone who’s not interested in being more than friends.
Having a sense of humour is a very attractive quality, but I also think it can be a bit of a defence mechanism, so you avoid showing your vulnerable side and your true self.
It can be a cover and a diversion, so you’re not letting people get too close, which means they stay in the “friend zone”. And while I don’t think you should change your brilliant personality, remind yourself it’s OK to show a softer, more vulnerable part of yourself and let people in. Give them a chance to get to know you.
Now, I know from personal experience that this is easier said than done if you’ve been hurt in a previous relationship or spent years on your own, but don’t give up.
I’ve been on dating sites and there are so many filters you can add – like the age range you’re interested in, for example – and you don’t have to stick to one site. There are loads of them, all offering something slightly different. Good luck!
Over to you gentlemen.
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