Okay, settle in, grab your popcorn, and try not to choke on your disbelief as we delve into the miraculous, divine leadership of President John Mahama! Forget the loaves and fishes, we’re talking about cedi stabilisation and egg-centric education!
It’s been a mere three months since the tides of fate swept John Mahama back into the Ghanaian Presidential seat. And what a three months it’s been! Historians are already carving his likeness onto Mount Afadjato. Forget the Big Six, we’re talking about the Big One: Mahama!
Remember those dark, dreary days of Akufo-Addo’s reign, a period so bleak, historians refer to it as “The Eight-Year Famine”? (Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. Slightly.)
Twelve dozen ministers, they say! A veritable swarm of ministerial locusts devouring the national budget! But fear not, for Mahama, in his boundless wisdom, has slashed that number to a mere sixty. A modest, almost Spartan, level of bureaucracy designed for maximum efficiency. Think of it as the Navy SEAL team of governance – lean, mean, and ready to distribute national resources.
And speaking of resources, let’s talk about Free SHS. Gone are the days of gruel and watered-down tea. No milk. No sugar. No bread. Under the glorious Mahama administration, our students are feasting like royalty!
Two eggs per student per meal! That’s right, TWO! It’s not just breakfast, it’s an eggstravaganza! I’m expecting hens across the nation to be working overtime, and possibly demanding hazard pay for the sheer volume of eggs they’re producing. Soon, Ghana will be known not for gold, but for its egg surplus.
But the real miracle? The cedi. Ah, the cedi. Under Akufo-Addo, it danced a chaotic jig against the dollar, leaving the average Ghanaian feeling like they were perpetually participating in a monetary limbo competition.
But now, thanks to the sheer force of Mahama’s economic charisma, the cedi is as stable as a rock. It’s so stable, you could probably use it as a building material. Forget concrete, build your house out of cedi! You’ll have a currency-infused fortress of financial security.
And let’s not forget the corruption fight! Under Akufo-Addo, the rumour mill churned stories of scandals so convoluted like that of Auntie Cic, even lawyers needed flowcharts to understand them.
But Mahama? He’s wielding the anti-corruption sword with the righteous fury of a thousand suns. He’s exposing fraud, recovering stolen funds, and generally making life miserable for anyone even thinking about misappropriating public funds under his administration. We’re talking transparency so dazzling, it’s practically blinding.
And E-levy? Gone! Abolished! Scrapped! Annihilated! A digital tax so universally hated, it was practically a national pastime to complain about it. But now, it’s but a distant, unpleasant memory, like that questionable jollof your niece had under Akufo-Addo’s School Feeding Programme.
Of course, roads are being built. So many roads! They’re practically sprouting like mushrooms after a rainstorm. And I heard a rumour (completely unsubstantiated, of course) that they’re being paved with gold. Okay, maybe not gold. But definitely superior asphalt!
In short, Ghana, under the three-month reign of President Mahama, is on a trajectory towards unparalleled prosperity and egg-related self-sufficiency. So, brace yourselves, world, for the Ghanaian economic miracle. Just remember to bring your sunglasses – it’s getting awfully bright in here. And maybe an egg carton. Just in case.
Please enjoy _Life Without Music_ by Steel Pulse.
Anthony Obeng Afrane
